Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
