he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
