Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
