Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
And then he peed in my hair
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