i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
