can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
