No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
