looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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