This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My bed smells like the plague
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
