I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
