ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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