Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
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