look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
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Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
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By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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