I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
