apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
