She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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