Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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