Texts From Last Night

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  (616): View more from Michigan

  He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.

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  (616): He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it. http://tfl.nu/cs3e
  Replies (2) Good night (840) Bad night (514)
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  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.

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  (857): Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility. http://tfl.nu/agqx
  Replies (39) Good night (1446) Bad night (4382)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.

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  (859): They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college. http://tfl.nu/okdu
  Replies (6) Good night (4000) Bad night (710)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.

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  (757): yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd. http://tfl.nu/nagb
  Replies (13) Good night (3494) Bad night (1000)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.

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  (423): She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21. http://tfl.nu/keb8
  Replies (6) Good night (4274) Bad night (747)
• Favorite

  (340): View more from US Virgin Islands

  I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.

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  (340): I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen. http://tfl.nu/cees
  Replies (25) Good night (3912) Bad night (1241)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out

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  (603): they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out http://tfl.nu/559d
  Replies (20) Good night (3569) Bad night (829)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.

  (949): View more from California

  In a moving vehicle and other people in the car

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  (949): I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket. (949): In a moving vehicle and other people in the car http://tfl.nu/58wf
  Replies (7) Good night (1302) Bad night (465)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.

  (512): View more from Texas

  That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?

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  (508): I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur. (512): That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot? http://tfl.nu/yofn
  Replies (10) Good night (2825) Bad night (626)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.

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  (937): My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you. http://tfl.nu/3o9h
  Replies (4) Good night (2721) Bad night (563)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"

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  (203): If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am" http://tfl.nu/kogk
  Replies (5) Good night (623) Bad night (1391)
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.

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  (636): On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013. http://tfl.nu/kcos
  Replies (6) Good night (1048) Bad night (316)
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  Put some vodka in it

  (424): View more from California

  Its 7am

  (323): View more from California

  put some vodka in it

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  (323): Put some vodka in it (424): Its 7am (323): put some vodka in it http://tfl.nu/mu2b
  Replies (7) Good night (1826) Bad night (345)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  I wish to strangle

  (310): View more from California

  whoa there darth vader

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  (530): I wish to strangle (310): whoa there darth vader http://tfl.nu/ugge
  Replies (0) Good night (651) Bad night (232)
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know

  (1-989): View more from Michigan

  im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.

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  (989): yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know (1-989): im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology. http://tfl.nu/m7q7
  Replies (2) Good night (534) Bad night (140)

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