Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
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so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Dude, where are you?
... whose car?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny