Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks