question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
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he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
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IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead