Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.

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  (512): I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone. http://tfl.nu/t7gq
  Replies (19) Good night (1263) Bad night (3199)
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  I met the friendliest cop last night

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  (641): I met the friendliest cop last night http://tfl.nu/2xxe
  Replies (12) Good night (4520) Bad night (908)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple

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  (615): Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple http://tfl.nu/4fv0
  Replies (20) Good night (4920) Bad night (1690)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.

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  (702): I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet. http://tfl.nu/4zwd
  Replies (36) Good night (3452) Bad night (1109)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.

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  (850): OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you. http://tfl.nu/hptp
  Replies (11) Good night (975) Bad night (3616)
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.

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  (347): sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things. http://tfl.nu/13io
  Replies (36) Good night (8354) Bad night (1315)
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.

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  (434): I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever. http://tfl.nu/fuow
  Replies (15) Good night (5776) Bad night (1389)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.

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  (801): You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them. http://tfl.nu/lphx
  Replies (12) Good night (3653) Bad night (1073)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic

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  (845): you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic http://tfl.nu/aiqs
  Replies (4) Good night (2455) Bad night (595)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.

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  (402): I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off. http://tfl.nu/dyhi
  Replies (2) Good night (1103) Bad night (866)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head

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  (613): All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head http://tfl.nu/1jjy
  Replies (5) Good night (860) Bad night (354)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"

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  (630): you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE" http://tfl.nu/9i9s
  Replies (2) Good night (730) Bad night (401)
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime

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  (902): I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime http://tfl.nu/b6xy
  Replies (2) Good night (491) Bad night (285)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.

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  (540): These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love. http://tfl.nu/3io8
  Replies (1) Good night (545) Bad night (258)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.

  (1-815): View more from Illinois

  You gift wrapped a tampon.

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  (815): I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase. (1-815): You gift wrapped a tampon. http://tfl.nu/h0zj
  Replies (1) Good night (688) Bad night (372)

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