I just pynch a tree in the face
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
