the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
