I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
