Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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