I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
