Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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