That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
