Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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