saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
