Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
3 2 1 whiskey
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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