pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Houston, we have a squirter
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
