i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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