Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
