I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I queefed so loud it echoed.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
