it hurts more in the daytime
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
