I think i sorta joined a cult last night
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
