I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
