Swine flu is the new snow day.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
