I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
