He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize
