Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
