Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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