remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
