it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Mom said you looked used
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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