A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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