I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
