yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
