She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
it's like heaven, but drunker
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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