You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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