remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
