...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
