Having a random hookup so left but love u
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
