We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
