you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
pop tarts are not kleenex
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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