Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I think my fart just growled at me.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
