You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
