all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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