he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
