I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
