What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
