her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
