bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
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Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
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Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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