There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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