Don't make out with my wife yet
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize