1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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