So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
