fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
