And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
