Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
