My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
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