u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
