apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
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