I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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