Where did you get a picture of my penis
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Floor bacon is actually really good
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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